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Beads 'N Things

February 22, 2004

"Lou, have you had too much to drink?"
-WTSP reporter Rebecca Clark, to me, last night on 7th Avenue in Ybor City.

Last night was one of those rare experiences where things just clicked in a special way. So many stories and subplots and what not.

Scott Massey
Scott Massey witnessed last night's mayhem in Ybor City.

So much for Mississippi State running the table down the stretch... Bama went into The Hump (the giggle-funny name of MSU's basketball arena) and beat them on national TV. Ouch. Scott Massey got here midway through the second half, and I was already three Heinekens deep. The night had just begun.

Parking is hard to come by for the Night Parade, but I had my wonderful "Golden Pass" which I used to let Scott park up in the guest parking lot one building over. Forget paying $20 to park (and after the exploits of Guavaween 2003 and having to break into a parking lot, I didn't want to have a repeat performance).

The Gasparilla Night Parade is generally looked at as one of the two big party nights of the year in Ybor City (the other being Guavaween). But unlike Guavaween, this bad boy is free, and it's generally warmer for Gasparilla than Guavaween. And having my apartment in walking distance, the whole free getting in and out thing makes it all the better.

Scott and I went through my huge bag of beads and picked out the ones we wanted. Of course I went way over the top with my beads -- would you expect anything less? When you've got 'em, flaunt 'em. Or something like that.

We made it down to 7th Avenue with the parade already in progress. I had a couple of girls who really wanted this rather piddly strand that had a plastic shot glass attached to it. Who knew? Two were willing to flash for them, but not willing to pose for a pic with me with them flashing. So no sale. Too early to be giving away the top-end wares.

Taking a Jägermeister shot
It's time, it's time... It's Jäger time!

This commentary is a bit tougher to put together, in no small part because I've got some "Scene Missing" parts in my mind (like from the Nine Inch Nails "Closer" video). Luckily, my helpful digital camera (and Scott) helped me to put some of the pieces together.

Gasparilla sit-down
This guy couldn't stand up last night.

The parade finally ended, and the heathens took to the street. At that point it was a drunken chaos, a sea of humanity flowing as strong as the alcohol.

At one point Scott spotted the WTSP live truck, where reporter Rebecca Clark had the misfortune of having to report live from the Night Parade. We went up to say hello, but I guess I was rather inarticulate, as the first question Rebecca asked me was: "Have you had too much to drink?" We talked briefly; she asked me how I liked working for Bubba (I told her how I was 100 times happier there), etc. I can only imagine the impression I made on her with that conversation.

Hmmm... More "Scene Missing" moments. Looking through the pics, I find myself posed with random women of various quality. Can't say I recall much of this, though.

The pic of the guy sitting on the side of the road is here because of the story behind it. Somehow Scott talked with the guy, and allegedly the guy claimed that he had taken some GHB. Which, in case you don't know, causes (among other things) severe drowsiness. I'm not sure how long he stayed planted to the concrete... but it was good for a great laugh at the time. At his expense, of course.

I don't show nudity on this site (according to my advertising company, Google, "bitch that's a no-no"), though I did get a few shots of the goods, including a ridiculous up-close shot of me right up on the deal. As I recall, some other guy had done the hard part and gotten her in that state, and I did a run-in WWE style and got my pic taken with her too. Good times.

Toward the end of the evening, some girls came up and were enamored by my Gasparilla 2003 red medallion. The other chick liked the shot glass cup beads. Somehow, and don't ask me how ("Scene Missing"), it turned into a three-way makeout with me and the two girls. And yes, I'm serious.

In the runner-up for the drop quote on here, as one of the girls was leaving (along with her crew -- there were guys there with them apparently, though Drunk Lou doesn't worry about stupid details like that) she said "See you... never!" I thought about shouting back "See you on," but that would've taken quicker reaction time response than I could muster at that point.

Finally, as if the evening hadn't been wild enough, Scott and I ran across this girl named Megan who was separated from her friends, upset and lost. So Scott and I took her back to my apartment where she could get some water, make a few phone calls and figure out where her friends were (her cell phone was dying on her, so having my land line helped.)

After awhile she got ahold of her friend, so I walked her over to GameWorks (the designated meeting place) to wait for him. I mentioned to her how I work for Bubba; she told me that she hates Bubba because of her role in the Lotto ticket giveaway last summer for the show. As Smush said on Mr. Show one time: lovely.

But Megan ended up, at her prodding, giving me her phone number. So we'll see. She'd mentioned being in architecture school at the University of Missouri (that was the area code for her number), so I dunno how long she'll be in town.

Wow, as I was typing this the Orlando Magic beat the Detroit Pistons on a crazy ending to their game. Detroit lead by two, and inbounded the ball in their backcourt with less than :10 to go. Tracy McGrady somehow made the steal, dished it inside, the ball ended up with Juwan Howard, who was fouled as he hit a short range bucket. The free throw gave the Magic a one point lead. Rasheed Wallace's shot on the other end at the buzzer was nowhere close, and the Magic got the win. What a finish...

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