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Medicine

Wednesday
January 29, 2003

"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted -- one moment... would you capture it or just let it slip?"
-Eminem "Lose Yourself"

I'm on cold medicine galore and my mind is going in about twelve different directions. So excuse me if I go off on a few dead end tangents here.

I called in sick to work for tonight. Probably would've done it last night as well, except for the timing. I woke up with a severely sore throat at 8:45. And I have to be at work by 10. That's just not fair to do to Neal (who ironically is also sick, which of course has lead to juvenile jokes aplenty). My body feels like I've taken a dozen lashes from a kendo stick. And ye ole brain isn't exactly operating in top mode.

Sucrets are good but last too short of a time. Relief is fleeting. I stocked up on fruit juice. Drinking orange juice right now like it's going out of style, which it never does, by the way; OJ (not Simpson) is recession-proof. And no, the Florida Citrus coalition or whatever they're called didn't bribe me to say that. They're too busy making sure their crops don't freeze.

Note to self -- buy some more Chloroseptic. Probably not a good idea to hit the road right about now (head is woozy, the kind of mindset where people make bad fantasy football trades or impulse buys on eBay).

A day in the life of LouPickney.com? Looking through the Last Visitors section is interesting. Someone from Harvard University found my May 2001 commentary page doing a search for "MADD Age Discrimination". Maybe I'll end up in an Ivy League thesis *****laugh track*****. Okay, that wasn't funny at all. I wonder what would happen if they decided to screw with a live audience at one of those talk shows and flash the applause or laugh lines at inappropriate times. Would people still react anyway? Or would there be the mumbling of "huh" echoing?

My MP3 mix went from "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy to "Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground. Is my computer trying to tell me something?

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: "It Wasn't Me" is a great song to get a reaction out of female bartenders. Works like a charm. Guarantee rate up there with landing a cheap pop with the first few riffs of Coolio's "Gangstas Parade" at Empire in Ybor City circa 2001.

Back to the webpage, tons of hits are rolling in for my 2003 NFL Mock Draft. It's on the third page of the google search for "2003 NFL Mock Draft", which I guess helps. An all-Washington Redskins site cited my prediction in its collection from a variety of sites on who the Skins will pick (for the record, I'm sticking with my projection of them taking Hawaii OG Vince Manuwai, at least for now). They're a year behind in addressing the offensive guard position.

By the way, I say Arizona trades up from #6 to #3 with Houston to snag Byron Leftwich if he's on the board. Trading out of the top 5 is tough (signing bonus costs), but Houston would do it and Arizona needs Leftwich in a bad way (and I think Chicago takes Palmer or Leftwich if either is on the board at #4). Then Houston can take OT Jordan Gross from Utah at #6, fill that huge OT need (QB David Carr won't last long getting pummeled the way he did last season), and get him for less cap money and land a couple of picks in the progress. We'll see.

With the page, I'm averaging 1,028 daily hits for the month. LouPickney.com should pass the 30,000 hit mark by the end of today or tomorrow (which you math wizards could've already deduced). More impressive to me is the 282 unique visitors per day; up sharply from the previous record high of 207 in December 2002.

God those numbers are giving me a headache, and that's despite Soma Mania 2003 in progress (only kidding on the Mania part -- but this is one of those "god my whole body feels like it's been through a 1992 FRHS football practice" feel to it kind of days). At least they help with the head and body aches.

I know, I know. Quit my bitching. Better that than a broken leg. Or malnutrition. Or malaria. But there's a certain condition to the human element where dissatisfaction tends to rear its ugly head when things get boring or difficult. And my throat feels like I ate a plate full of metal shreds.

Now, that's not to say that these are boring days. Far from that. God I'm rambling now. But you were warned.

Jimmy Kimmel Live is a hit. Last night was the weakest of the three episodes, primarily because they had no guests of note. C'mon ABC, get the PR machine in motion. Throw my boy Bill Simmons a bone here. I should've e-mailed Bill to see if we could get him the video of John Lynch trying to do the moonwalk at the Bucs parade on Tuesday. I'm a big John Lynch fan (hell, I own a Lynch jersey), but every man must know his limitations. Mike Alstott jumping on top of the WTSP live truck to do an impromptu interview with Tampa Bay's 10 News anchor Marty Matthews was interesting (though he came across more as the caricature of himself from a bit the Bubba the Love Sponge show did a few years back as a intellectually challenged lug). Actually Bucs owner Malcolm Glazer running around like a lunatic with the trophy might've been my favorite part of it all. Hey, when you're a millionaire hundreds of times over, you can do what the hell you like. It's "eccentric" not "crazy" when you're rich, remember that. The funny thing is though, I think I'd like the Glazers if they hadn't outright lied about the whole Bill Parcells thing. And I do respect Tampa mayor Dick Greco for finding a way to keep the Bucs in town. I dislike Greco's crackdown on strip clubs and the like, but hey you can't win them all.

By the way, I'm contemplating doing the reverse Malcolm -- shaving everything but the cheeks part of the beard (since he had the exact opposite). But he could reply that he's the owner of the World Champs and I'm not. Advantage: Mr. Glazer, sir.

And I guess I can forget about getting on that Bucs season ticket list anytime soon... I want to see how many season ticket rejection cards I can collect.

How did I get sidetracked here? Anyway, JKL had a hodgepodge of D-list/unknown guests last night (along with the unmistakable Snoop Dogg). The bit with the ghosts got a little tiresome. Not Jimmy's fault, but what's that line about "you can't polish a turd?"

No worry though... it still had me laughing out loud hard at times. And you can't get George Clooney and Coldplay every night. It's worth noting that there was a certain awkward vibe with Snoop, Clooney and Warren Sapp... but nothing a little vodka couldn't stop. Here's an "Up Yours" to ABC's execs for putting the kibosh on it. Maybe liquor for the audience won't work, but let the guests loosen up with it on there if they so chose. Not to mention the nostalgia factor of the old Tonight shows from the 1960's.

One page to steal from Craig Kilborn... book lots of hot, relatively unknown (or known if you can get them) actresses. Make the most of your Hollywood surroundings. You want to draw Men 18-34? Do it.

There's comedy, there's high comedy, then there's the Jenna Jameson action figure on the desk of a certain new business partner of mine. I saw that and laughed long and loud the other day.

I've consumed about half of a big carton of Minute Maid orange juice in the past two hours. This is not normal...


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