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Bill Of Health

August 6, 2005

"My days graze normalcy then morbidly crash
My years breathe honesty then sardonically laugh"
-Aesop Rock "Dryspell"

I had a six-month check-up at the doctor's office on Thursday, which included me having blood work (and a neck X-Ray) done on Monday to be ready for the appointment. And I'm happy to say that I have a mostly clean bill on health.

One thing did come up a little negative: my cholesterol was slightly out of the recommended range. My doctor explained the LDL and the HDL, but he tried to put them in some stupid grade school like terms to try to help me remember, like I was a moron (the H stood for something good, like "happy", and the L stood for something bad, and I remember specifically he said stood for "loser", which reminded me of some junior high level insult of "Lou the Lunar Loser" or something to that effect). And this is the person who's dosing out my medication? In the words of Lee Corso: Yo!

Anyway, he gave me this sheet of paper explaining the good foods and bad foods for cholesterol. Again it was ridiculous, since it was all very common-sense stuff. I get ribbed sometimes for having almost all diet cola drinks in my fridge, but it matches what's on the sheet. I hardly ever eat fried foods (since I've really cut back on the fast food circuit), and the foods it suggested were staples of my diet (skim milk, ready-to-eat cereals, lunch meats, rice). Even things like pastas I've cut back on (and you can ask Aaron Thompson or Joe Pacheco how I used to keep Lipton in business single-handedly with their packages of noodles that I used to eat back in the day). The only thing on the list that falls in the "no" zone are the occasional bag of Sun Chips that I buy, but I'm not going to give those up. Forget it.

So, out of spite, I stopped at Burger King on the way home and bought one of those new strawberry cheesecake flavored milkshakes. They're unhealthy as hell, but wow, they're tasty...

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